the sun was still down; the air around us fresh and cool. i, running on less than 3 hours of sleep somehow managed to be alert and excited. we drove on empty streets that are usually busy until we made our way finally to a huge deserted field where our hot air balloon would fly into the sky.
i think this was my favorite birthday present ever.
we were gone for almost 5 hours. it’s the longest i’ve been away from both of my kids. i never thought i’d be a mom who gets separation anxiety, but here we are. never say never.
we drifted up silently over beautiful landscapes as the sun slowly rose into warm clouds. i wanted to soak up every second and instead kept finding myself thinking of and especially missing teddy and vivienne.
it’s one of the biggest (and most frustrating) paradoxes of parenthood for me. i’m with them day after day, month after month, and the intensity of full-time motherhood can sometimes feel like trying to breathe underwater. i need space like i need oxygen.
and then, when i get a moment to myself (a solo trip to the market, or perhaps a stolen early morning hot air balloon flight) i find myself missing them terribly; wishing for the water to rush back into my space again. i’m ready for the ocean of responsibility. balance seems impossible sometimes.
my sister and her kids came into town to celebrate teddy and my birthday, (she’s the one who watched them for our flight) and it made me so happy to have family close for a bit, and then sad to watch them leave knowing it would be a while before we saw anyone on my side of the family. i love where we live very much, but sometimes it can feel lonely.
another year. somehow, he is three. it seems impossible and yet, also like he’s been with us forever. spending time with other kids makes me realize things about him that i usually don’t notice. how meticulous he is. how clean and methodical. how gentle with vivienne, and ever thoughtful as he goes about his day. he speaks clearly and intentionally and has no interest in being babied. no interest in staying put any longer than necessary.
someone told me recently that time goes faster the older you get, and it broke my heart because this is zooming and i still feel so young in my motherhood.
as the balloon floated down, i wondered what we’ll face in the next three years. we’ve changed so much as a family since theodore entered our lives.
slow down, time.
you are such a thief sometimes.
ps- a short video i made from our morning getaway.